Joke # 149

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, hey people, there's big money in kidneys you know, this damn guy's got two of them.

Joke # 148

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, what the heck, he's not here for a sex change operation.

Joke # 147

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, wait just a second, if this is his liver, then what the heck is that?

Joke # 146

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, we better save that part. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Joke # 145

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, I can't seem to remember how they did this on ER last week.

Joke # 144

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, wow, take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Joke # 143

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, That was a wicked party last night, I can’t remember ever being that drunk before.

Joke # 142

A Newfie goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The Newfie complains, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
The receptionist asks, Have you seen a doctor? No, just spots, the Newfie replies.

Joke # 141

A man applied for a job as a C.I.A. spy. With several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor. When the man was alone, he opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."

Joke # 140

Human Resources Department to job applicant, "I see you've had no computer training. Although that might qualify you for upper management, it means you're way too under-qualified for our entry level positions."

Joke # 139

Computers are like men, they hear everything you say, nothing that you mean.

Joke # 138

A father and a son were patiently standing outside the elephant's cage in the Moscow Zoo. The father tells his son, "If we stand around here long enough son one of those elephants will throw some food at us."

Joke # 137

A Newfoundlander was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered yes to the previous question, was "Why?" The Newfoundlander answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Joke # 136

Computers are like women, no sooner than making a commitment to one, your spending half your paycheck buying accessories for it.

Joke # 135

Computers are like women, the creator is the only one who understands their internal logic.

Joke # 134

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I Just did, you stupid a**hole!

Joke # 133

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he rambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
What did you do that for?, Asked a passing giraffe.
Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago.
Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.
Yes, turtle recall, replied the elephant.

Joke # 132

Computers are like men, they hear what you say, but not what you mean.

Joke # 131

Computers are like women, you do the same thing for years, then suddenly it’s wrong.

Joke # 130

Computers are like women, your smallest mistakes will be stored in long term memory for later punishment.

Joke # 129

"Guess what I got for my mother for Christmas? An electric broom!" said the wife.
"Why?" said the husband. "So she can get here faster?"

Joke # 128

One Friday, two Newfie women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
She rolled her eyes and said, “There comes the know it all with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”
Her friend promptly replied, “Don't you have a vase?”

Joke # 127

It was a rule of the club that anyone asking a question which he himself could not answer must buy a round of drinks. One of the members, a Cape Bretoner presented a question as to why a ground-squirrel in digging left no dirt around the entrance to its hole. He was finally called on for the answer, and explained that of course the squirrel began at the bottom and dug upward.
"Excellent!" a Newfie laughed. "But how does the squirrel manage to reach the bottom?"
"That," said the Caper with a grin, "is your question."

Joke # 126

The humorist offered his latest invention in the way of a puzzle to the assembly of guests in the room:
"Can you name an animal that has eyes and cannot see; legs and cannot walk, but can jump as high as the Empire State Building?"
Everybody racked his brains during a period of deep silence, and racked in vain. Finally, they gave it up and demanded the solution. The inventor of the puzzle beamed.
"The answer," he said, "is a wooden horse. It has eyes and cannot see, and legs and cannot walk."
"Yes," the company agreed. "But how does it jump as high as the Empire State Building?"
"The Empire State Building," the humorist explained, "can't jump."

Joke # 125

During prohibition the rich wife complained to her husband that the chauffeur was very drunk indeed, and must be fired instantly.
"Fired, nothing!" her husband retorted joyously. "When he's sobered up, I'll have him take me out and show me where he gets it."

Joke # 124

Before prohibition was enacted in the United States one wise objector to prohibition spoke bitterly:
"Water has killed more folks than liquor ever did."
"You are raving mad," declared the defender of prohibition.
"How in hell do you make that out to be fact?"
The reply, "Well, to begin with, there was the Flood."

Joke # 123

"Are you sure this handbag is genuine alligator skin?" the woman asked The Newfoundland shopkeeper.
"Absolutely," was the reply. "I shot that alligator myself when I was in Florida."
"But it is badly soiled," said the woman
"Well, yes, of course, replied the Newfoundlander. That's where it hit the ground, when it fell out of the tree."