Joke # 173

Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, "I think they’re deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "I think they’re dog tracks!"
The third blonde said, "Well, I think they’re cow tracks!"
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Joke # 172

Things you Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery,
Damn. Page 39 of our manual is missing.

Joke # 171

Things you Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery,
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

Joke # 170

The best thing about being a schizophrenic is that your never alone.

Joke # 169

Things you Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery:
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Joke # 168

"This theory about fish being brain food is all nonsense."
"Why do you say so?"
"Because the greatest number of fish are eaten by the very people who
are idiots enough to sit out all day waiting for them to bite."

Joke # 167

A man is stopped in heavy traffic in Los Angeles and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. We’re not even moving."
Noticing a police officer walking down the highway between the cars, the man rolls down his window and says, "Excuse me, officer…what’s the holdup?"
"It’s O.J. Simpson," says the cop. "He’s all depressed. He’s lying down in the middle of the highway and threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire, because he doesn’t have $8.5 million dollars for the Goldmans. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him."
The man says, "A collection, huh? How much have you got so far?"
"So far…ten gallons."

Joke # 166

Just because you are not paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you!

Joke # 165

Computers are like women:
Only the creator has enough paitence to understand their internal logic.

Joke # 164

Things you Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery,You know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.

Joke # 163

Things you don’t want to hear your Doctor say during surgery,
If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.

Joke # 162

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."
Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?
That you kill me first.

Joke# 161

Things you don’t want to hear your Doctor say during surgery, OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Joke # 160

Things you don’t want to wake up and hear during surgery-Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Joke # 159

Something you don't want to wake up in surgery and hear your Doctor say_
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what the hell is that?

Joke # 158

Things you don’t want to hear your surgeon say during surgery,
Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Joke#157

The telemarketer said send $10.00 and I will send you the best tip for for the softest hands ever girls.
This was the tip he sent to everyone who sent him the ten dollars: While your mother is laying down resting, you should wash the dishes at least three times a day!

Joke # 156

The native of the village pointed with pride to two doddering ancients hobbling painfully down the village street, and informed the stranger:
Those two are the Duckberk twins, ninety-eight year old!" The
visitor was duly impressed, and asked to what the pair of venerable
citizens attributed their long life.

It's kind of which and the other," the native confessed. "Obadiah
declares its all along because of his chewin' an' smokin' an' snuffin' day in and day out, for nigh onto a hundred year; an' Ebenezer declares he has his health becase he never touched the filthy weed. Go figure!!!

Joke # 155

The kind lady stopped to tell the sobbing little girl not to cry, and
she offered as a convincing argument:
"You know crying makes little girls ugly."
The child stared belligerently at the benevolent lady, and then
remarked:
"You must have cried an awful lot when you was young."

Joke # 154

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, please stop that organ from beating; it's messing up my concentration.

Joke # 153

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, okay, by the looks of this it's going to be an experiment for all of us.

Joke # 152

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, nurse, unzip the bag on that fellow, he's still moving.

Joke # 151

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, let's hurry up, I don't want to miss "Heroes".

Joke # 150

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, That laughing gas is great for a chuckle. Maybe we should inhale a little bit more.

Joke # 149

Stuff you don’t want to hear your doctor saying during surgery, hey people, there's big money in kidneys you know, this damn guy's got two of them.